


withdrawn

by waquenza



Series: skz + uni + love = messes w kisses [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Established Relationship, M/M, Mental Disorders, Mild Sexual Content, interior design student felix, law student seungmin, mentioned hyunsung, mentioned lee know - Freeform, minho uses xe/xem pronouns, past abusive relationships, slight agnst, use of neopronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:14:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26962729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waquenza/pseuds/waquenza
Summary: Lee Felix, the blonde boyfriend of Kim Seungmin. AKA the cutest couple in their disoriented, gay ass, friend group. They were easily the longest running, and least conflicting couple the group has. They rarely fought, rarely disagreed, and were rarely seen apart. That is until Felix starts leaving Seungmin, leaving his (not blonde) boyfriend clueless.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)/Kim Seungmin
Series: skz + uni + love = messes w kisses [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956916
Kudos: 29





	1. isolation.

**Author's Note:**

> this turned out way more agnst-oriented than i planned, but it isn’t too bad. set after the first story in this series, can be read as a standalone.

  
Seungmin groaned before adjusting his position on the bed, the sheets moving with him as he turned off his alarm in the early hours of 8AM. His left eye fluttered before he finally managed to crack it open, immediately closing it again at the bright light that encompassed the room. He instead turned around completely, away from the window this time and tried again, this time with two eyes. He succeeded this time, thankfully, but that was the least of his worries now. 

What was supposed to be Felixs’ side of the bed, was completely empty, again. Seungmin raised a hand to feel around the sheets, the temperature completely cool, not surprising him in the slightest. Seungmin was aware that Felix was here last night, he heard him creep around the room, trying his best to be silent, before finally laying down on the bed. He also knew that Felix was going through something, he just wished he knew _what_.

He sighed before getting up from the bed, remembering that he had a class to get to. He knew that Felix wasn’t anywhere in their shared flat, the same reason why he didn’t even bother calling out to him. Seungmin was frustrated, no he wasn’t frustrated, not anymore at least. He was frustrated after 1 week of this passive aggressive treatment. It has been 3 weeks ever since he even took a good look at his boyfriend’s face. No, Seungmin was no longer frustrated, he was just tired. 

Tired of the short, abrupt conversations, the rainchecks on all their dates, even the subtle aggressiveness in his texts. (He may be over analyzing the last one, but he’s a law student, it’s a given for him.) He woke up today for the fifth time without Felix, which is a surprise in itself, as he was usually the one to wake up Felix. He has been since they decided to move in together the summer before their second year. 

Seungmin checks the time once again before muttering a ‘fuck’. He was gonna be late for his lecture. 

___________

Felix silently glided the door of his own apartment open, trying to stay as quiet as possible. Stepping into the opening, he turned around to close the door, concentrating on not making a sound. When the door finally closed, without a creak, he finally let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding. He figures he was too in the moment to notice. 

The apartment wasn’t huge, considering they were both college students in their second year. But it was enough for the couple. The living room was to the left of the front door, the kitchen/dining room adjacent to it. The french window -that led to a small balcony- always illuminated the living room with enough light that the pair barely had to use the lamps. Even now, it gave the dark apartment a nice faint glow, from the buildings that were across from theirs. 

“Are you planning on coming to bed?” He hears behind him. He yelps in surprise, seemingly also too in the moment to notice his boyfriend standing behind him. He turns around slowly, seeing Seungmin standing there with a glass of water in his hand. “Why are you still up?” Felix asks instead, very obviously deflecting the question. Seungmin sighs before placing the glass on the kitchen counter, walking a short way to reach his boyfriend. He notices that Felix immediately redirects his gaze. 

“I was grabbing a glass of water,” He said quietly in the space between them. Seungmin wanted to reach out and touch his boyfriend. He wanted to hold his hand and touch his face; he would even take a pinky promise at this point. Even the most miniscule of touches would be enough. But considering Felix couldn’t even look in his eyes, he doubted that would happen tonight. “I figured that was obvious enough.”   
  


Felix then stared at the floor, suddenly finding them very immaculate. He whispered in the faint glow of the city lights. “I’m sorry for disturbing you.” Seungmin frowned, which Felix would have seen if he wasn’t in the middle of a staring contest with the floor. Seungmin knew that Felix was sensitive to confrontation, having come out of an abusive relationship prior to theirs. They stayed quiet for a while, Seungmin attempting to find something to say, but too caught up in making sure to say the right thing. While Felix was struggling to put his thoughts in words, too afraid of what could happen if he tried to speak his mind. They both ultimately (and silently) decide that they have nothing to say. 

Some time passed, and Felix, who was sweaty and exhausted after dancing, takes the everlasting silence as his cue to leave. He steps around his boyfriend, still averting his eyes, and starts making his way down the singular hallway to reach their shared bedroom. Seungmin huffed loudly, causing the hairs on the back of Felix’s neck to stand up. Felix almost stops, he almost turns around, he almost tells Seungmin everything. 

_ Almost.  _


	2. piss off.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungmin didn’t reply, as he didn’t think he had to. All he did was hold his boyfriend, his embrace tightening after hearing those words. They stood there for some minutes, Felix lost in the memories, and Seungmin silently comforting him. 
> 
> It goes to say that the couple found common ground once again (after Seungmin finally decided to eat korean food).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// psychological abuse, abusive relationships, anxiety, sexual content
> 
> these are talked about lightly but be warned

  
It’s safe to say that the dynamic between the Seungmin and Felix has changed. 

Drastically. 

Everyone around them has picked up on it. They didn’t notice they were unconsciously avoiding each other until their friends put it out there for them clear as day. By the time they did, they were already too afraid to approach the other. Ashamed of not being able to speak to their partner. 

( _ “Then Minho threatened to cook me in the airfryer for 20 mins at 180 degrees.”  _

_ Seungmin tried to conceal his laughter, he really did, but knowing how intimidating their older friend was, he could just imagine xem saying it now. He laughed before he realized he did, Hyunjin rolling his eyes from his seat in front of him. It seemed like Seungmin was going to be laughing for forever, so he decided to pick at his salad until his best friend stopped laughing at his misfortune.  _

_ They were at the vegan restaurant a couple blocks away from campus, having an extended lunch together. Their shared class was cancelled due to their professor's emergency that had her leaving early in the morning. “I love how xe scares you,” Seungmin started before taking a sip of his drink, a simple americano. “Well I don’t, xes’ probably going to hold it over me for the next couple of weeks.” Hyunjin buts in with a tut of his head. His face suddenly took on a more serious expression, causing Seungmin to slightly reel at the change of demeanor so fast.  _

_ Seungmins’ mind automatically combs through everything he did in the past few weeks to find what could warrant his friends displeasure. ‘I didn’t tease him too much did I?’ ‘Did I forget a date or something?’ ‘His birthday didn’t past, did it?’ Before Seungmin could lose himself in all the theories his mind was corroborating, Hyunjin let the topic of discussion fall from his lips. “Whens’ the last time you spoke to Felix?” He asked with concern. Well Seungmin hoped it was concern, but he couldn’t understand why it was justified.  _

_ The virgo opened his mouth to answer, before realizing he couldn’t. He tried to remember the last time he actually talked to his boyfriend, his mind coming up empty except for that fleeting moment weeks ago. Seungmin battered his memory as to why it has been that long, but it seemed like even he himself couldn’t come up with something substantial. “It’s been a while,” He said quietly, his fingers nimbly touching at the napkin that was placed on top of the table.  _

_ Hyunjin sighed before dropping his fork in the rest of his salad, his hand coming to envelop Seungmins, the same one that was fingering at the napkin. Hyunjin stayed quiet, sensing that Seungmin was far from finishing his statement, the only movement he made was the small circles he massaged into Seungmins hand. “I’m not sure now why though, we didn’t fight,” His eyes dropped down his hand, seeing Hyunjins’ larger hand on top, “At least I don't think we did.”  _

_ “We’re worried for you, both of you,” Hyunjin replied, he wanted to speakly low but the busyness of the shop around them didn’t let him. Seungmin nodded once, he didn’t have to ask who ‘we’ was, knowing it was the collective of their friends. “I didn’t want to interfere, but you haven’t been yourself lately. It scared me.” Seungmin sadly knew what he was referring to, as he often found himself forgetting parts of lectures, and writing notes that he doesn’t remember writing.  _

_ He knew that stressful situations caused his mind to go fuzzy sometimes, seeing everything from third person; but he didn’t even realize he was stressing about his relationship to the point of disassociating. He looked back at Hyunjin, tears almost escaping, but he managed to hold them in, mainly because they're in public and because he knew that if he started crying, Hyunjin would tease him about it later on.  _

_ “Thank you Hyunjinnie.” _ )

A couple days have passed since Hyunjins’ confrontation. Seungmin seemed to ponder on that moment more and more, thinking of ways to bring the conversation up with Felix, without scaring off his boyfriend. He usually stayed up all night due to the anxiety of it all, plus the fact he keeps disassociating mildly. Seungmin has been late to class three times this week. An all time record. 

He really should’ve seen this coming, honestly. With the amount of time he spends staying up at night, and chugging several americanos throughout the day to keep himself awake, it was bound to transpire. Seungmin woke up 2 hours late, way later than usual considering his lecture today was 2 hours long. By the time he had woken up, his professor was halfway through with the class. So he just decided to skip; there wasn’t any important test today, or any case studies due so he decided to stay home. 

He figured he needed the rest anyway.

Seungmin was lazing around the house, enjoying his new found freetime. He realized with all his responsibilities, he almost forgot how to just stop and be in the moment, almost forgot that living was about right now, not later. He tried not to ponder that much on his relationship, the idea of ‘winging it’ seeming very pleasing to him. He was about to order lunch, the time now turning from late morning to early afternoon. 

He was sitting on the couch, picking between chinese food and korean food when the door to the apartment opened. Seungmin immediately looked towards the sound of the door, seeing his blonde haired boyfriend in the opening. Felix didn’t look towards him as hauled himself through the door, instead pretending to be preoccupied with the door. Felix is also aware of how his relationship has taken a turn, Jisung (that brat), informed him of his ‘childish’ behavior sometime last week.

  
  


( _ “How are you and Hyunjin?” Felix asked while looking through the racks of jeans, attempting to find one with the appropriate amount of rips. Jisung looked over the rack from the other side, helping Felix in his seemingly impossible task. “We’re good, the relationship is still kinda new so we’re just feeling it out for now.” Jisung replied while holding up a pair of jeans over his head, catching Felixs’ attention.  _

_ “Hmmm, I need more rips on the back of the thighs.” He said while peering over the jeans, they were nice, but not what he was looking for. Jisung silently put the jeans back on the rack, unintentionally taking in a deep breath. “How are you and Seungmin?” Jisung questions nonchalantly. Felixs’ hand that previously trimmed over the pant leg of a particularly racy pair of jeans, suddenly stopped. “We’re fine.” He said dismissively, before moving on to the next pair of jeans.  _

_ The Australian suddenly turned around, Jisungs’ eyes now on him. “We should try out another store.” He said, while looking at all the human traffic that was currently roaming the mall. Jisung followed his gaze, seeing a similar clothing store just across the way. Felix looked back at his best friend when he heard no reply, finding Jisung holding up a light washed pair of denim that looked like heaven to Felix.  _

_ “Jisung, why are you so good at everything.” Felix muttered while walking closer, wanting to touch the astounding pair of jeans. Jisung chuckled before pulling them away from Felix and walking towards the changing areas, knowing Felix would follow like a lost puppy.  _

_ Felix was instantly shoved into the first stall that was free, the jeans magically finding its way into his arms. “Hurry up! I have stuff I need to buy too!” He heard from the other side of the door. Felix rolled his eyes before starting to unbuckle his pants, hanging the pair of jeans on the hook to the left of him.  _

_ “So did you and Seungmin fight?” Jisung asked while resting his body weight on the door, crossing his arms in the process. Felix cursed at himself. How could he not see through his bestfriends’ scheme? The only way he’s getting out of this is if he answers, and nothing is keeping him here except these jeans and Jisung himself. With the door here, he can’t see his eyes, and Jisung knows that Felix hates eye contact when asked tough questions. It seems that Jisung planned this out.  _

_ Felix huffed before finally taking off his pants, “No we didn’t fight. I’m just being a bitch while he’s trying to be considerate.” Felix heard the wheels turn in Jisungs’ head, finding something to say. “Well what are you being a bitch about?” He heard. Felix blushed lightly, his mind already flooding with images of him and Seungmin.  _

_ ‘Well more like Seungmin in m-’ He shook his head, stopping himself before he got boner in the middle of the department store. Felix cleared his throat, suddenly losing all his korean in seconds. He tried to focus on putting on the jeans, hoping that will take the edge off of what he has to say. “I think I’m ready to go all the way, but I don’t know how to tell him.” Felix barely got to finish his quickly said sentence before Jisung yelped out.  _

_ “Wait a minute. You guys have been avoiding each other for months, because you’re ready to have sex?” Jisung questioned, his exasperation heard through the door. Felix smiled shyly, even if Jisung couldn’t see it, he could hear it in the small ‘yeah’ he let out.  _

_ “Felix you are so precious.” Jisung said. Felix rolled his eyes, before unlocking the stall door with no warning, causing Jisung to stumble forward. Jisung turned around to glare, but was stopped short when his eyes trailed down the denim coating his legs. “I don’t think you have to worry about that part, dude.” Jisung said while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. _

_ “You’re an ass.” Felix replied. _ )

  
  


Felix wasn’t prepared to see his boyfriend as he was usually busy on the weekdays, but he hopes this is a sign. He was wearing  _ the  _ jeans, the same jeans Jisung used as bait to get through to him and he hated how good it looked on him. Especially after Hyunjun, a mutual friend majoring in fashion design, stylized them. He actually stylized Felixs’ whole outfit while Eric (another brat of a friend) stood on the side, giving tips when he could. 

“Your acting off,” He heard as he started taking off his shoes, “But we both know that already,” Seungmin finished. Felix sighed as he straightened up, his shoes now neatly placed on the rack by the door. “Is there a point to this Seungmin?” He asked exasperated, wanting his boyfriend to get to the point. Seungmin ignored the edge in his tone, “You’re dismissive, closed off, and not to mention I barely even see you anymore,” Seungmin listed, but was quickly intervened by Felix. “I’m not the only one to blame and you know it.” He retaliated, finally looking at his boyfriend. 

They then entered a staring contest, their eyes never leaving each other. With this opportunity Felix took a proper look at his boyfriend. His eyes were slightly red and watery, his hair greasy and a bit overgrown, and subtle dark circles around his eyes. “You look like shit babe,” Felix muttered, breaking eye contact. Seungmin chuckled lightly before standing up, approaching Felix. He stopped in front of him, letting the moment linger a bit before grabbing his chin gently, coaxing Felix to look up. There wasn’t that much of a height difference, as it was slight, but it still made the blonde feel so  _ small _ . Seungmin gazed at his boyfriend before leaning in and kissing his cheek softly, making Felixs’ heart swell in affection. Everything Seungmin did with Felix was gentle and caring, always attentive of the invisible borders his boyfriend carried. And it only made Felix love him even more.

“I want you to remember that I’m here for you Lix,” Seungmin said as he leaned away, face to face with Felix now. Felix smiled almost shyly in reply, his hands now clamped together. “Fuck I wanna kiss you so bad.” Felix thought, or at least he thought he did. Seungmins’ face exploded in red, while Felix averted his eyes entirely. “What’s stopping you?” Seungmin whispered in between the small space separating them, which Felix just realized had gotten smaller. Felix bit his lip then, knowing the exact reason why he was so scared to be around his boyfriend lately. “I think I’m ready to go all the way Minnie,” Felix answered. 

Seungmin dropped his hand from Felix’s chin, not wanting to hurt the younger accidentally after hearing those words. “Are you sure? And surely not today obviously, but-” 

“Yes Seungmin I’m sure, it’s just,” Felix didn’t finish the sentence, knowing that Seungmin already knew what he was insinuating. “I know Felix,” Seungmin started verbally, just to assure Felix, he then gathered the small Australian in his arms, Felix automatically placing his head on Seungmin’s shoulder. Felix took in a deep breath, and continued his earlier sentence. “She never hit me,” Felix started, his voice so light, so airy that it was barely heard. But Seungmin heard him, he always did. “She never hit me, but she didn’t have to. I felt trapped in my own mind, my own insecurities, shortcomings; and it’s just hard to break out of sometimes.” 

Seungmin didn’t reply, as he didn’t think he had to. All he did was hold his boyfriend, his embrace tightening after hearing those words. They stood there for some minutes, Felix lost in the memories, and Seungmin silently comforting him. 

It goes to say that the couple found common ground once again (after Seungmin finally decided to eat korean food). 

( _ “I never got to say this but,” Seungmin starts as he continues to trail his lips down Felix’s abdomen, placing light airy kisses until he gets to the waistband of his jeans. He stayed there for a moment, concentrating on leaving a dark hickey right under his boyfriend’s belly button. Felix whines at the vibrations of Seungmin’s words; combined with the sensation of his boyfriends’ kissed out lips it left him wanting more. “Finish your sentence babe.” Felix panted out as he tucked his fingers between the dark strands of Seungmin’s hair. He pulled lightly, testing the waters, only to hear Seungmin let out a low whine. “Fuck.” He heard in tandem with the sound of his zipper being pulled down.  _

_ Seungmin kneaded the skin on Felix’s hip bones, steadying himself. “These jeans,” Seungmin starts before trailing off, looking up and catching Felix already looking at him. Seungmin smiles, “You look fucking hot in these jeans baby.” He finally finishes. He then taps on Felix’s thigh, signaling him to lift his hips, Felix follows obediently, but not without blushing.  _

_ Seungmin pulls the jeans of, careful not to disturb the pearls embroidered on the pockets. He pulls his boyfriends’ briefs off as well, now staring at his tinted red cock. He looks up once again, placing his hands on Felix’s thighs, gently pulling them apart.  _

_ “You're so pretty when you blush Lix.” _ )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next in this series is minchan. ^^ thank you for reading !!

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! chapter 2 will be heated but it wont be explicit. ^_^


End file.
